DON'T LET THE BED BUGS BITE, ADVICE FOR POTENTIAL LOVERS

Each evening, my parents would kiss me and say “Good night.  Sleep tight.  Don’t let the bedbugs bite”.  As I had never seen nor been bitten by a bedbug, I assumed this was just family sweetness.  Fast forward.  I’m teaching a class on entomology (the study of insects).  In my preparations, I discovered that bedbugs do exist and they do bite.  They feed on their prey (us for example) at night.  As they feed on our blood, they might leave a little blood poop for you on your sheets.  While that is terrifying, I’m glad I’m not a bedbug.  Bedbugs mate by stabbing their lovers with a penis-like structure.  The sperm is released and migrates to the eggs within the female and fertilizes the eggs.  This is called “traumatic insemination” (Duh right?).  The female gets to pay the energy cost to lay eggs AND repair her wounds.  Okay so this gets worse.  A partner can get stabbed up to three times before the traumatic insemination is so traumatic it kills them.  And even worse… bedbugs don’t care if you are a male or female bedbug.  They will stab males too.  It brings all new meaning to “Don’t let the bedbugs bite”.  (Insert creepy music)